Wednesday, July 8, 2009
i know everyone kept going on about how they miss their secondary school life and stuff. im no exception. but i never felt it so strongly till just now in the bus. i hate making comparisons but i cant help seeing the obvious differences.
i freaking miss the people, seriously.
especially siti (!!!) having her by my side most of the time for 6 years straight (the crucial years of my life), sometimes, i just feel kinda sad when i realise that she's not around, when i look around and see different faces. im not implying that i dont like my friends. totally not. i love my friends esp my sayangsssss ! but i think besides raihan, she knows me best? seen all my crazy antics, withstood all my moodswings, accept me fully for who I am and never judge. for 6 whole years. sighs. thank god i still have raihan by my side now to keep that sense of familiarity.
a bit too late, but i should have appreciated the teachers in crescent more. i honestly do. looking back, i regret not working hard back for them after all the effort that they put in to help us in our studies. they're so caring and loving. sigh sigh. i didnt even do them enough justice for my O's. im not complaining bout my teachers in SA but i just felt that i didnt appreciate what i had.
and s3. i feel so accepted in s3. they dont discriminate against us. they dont judge us. even when they always call us the "minah gang" (not that im against it or anth lol) or have half of the class staring and laughing at the way i sleep, i still feel like i am one of them, not one who conforms to expectations.
honestly? honestly, i dont feel like i am myself at all. no kidding, im starting to question myself a lot. it makes me uneasy when people judge me from the exterior. sometimes, im scared to do or say certain things because i know jolly well how i will be judged just from that. its funny how i realised that i never had much trust in those around me in the first place.
im disappointed, i never thought i would express this but i am.
such a cliche line, but everyone has their own flaws. this game's getting extremely frustrating.
i admit that my hearing's not exactly good. neither is my attention span to a conversation which i am not interested in. i am not miss know-it-all and neither do i intend to be. i take time to analyze information in my head. i have opinions which are contrasting. i have my own way of doing things.
i dont mean to make this bit sound emo and all. but its hard when you cant even be yourself anywhere.
i am not that. leave.
what happened to "give and take", "forgive and forget", "love and not hate"?
such a selfish world we live in.
coloured; 8:20 AM
