Friday, January 8, 2010

There's so much that this broken heart can't say.
Don't say you know, cause you don't.
I try to make up for it by making life beautiful in other ways,
But its always this constant fear and darkness that I fall back in.
I'm just not perfect enough.
I don't want any sympathy, I don't need it.
I'm going, don't bother trying to find me.
I'll come back once I find my way out of this darkness.

Behind all these pretence, is just another girl who hates herself.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

one thing that i'm really thankful for is the fact that i've been taking lit ever since i got introduced to the subject in sec1 and have had wonderful teachers all along.
it's such a beautiful subject to study, and the best thing is, it doesnt confine you. you're open to different perspectives, you get to voice out your opinion based on how you see it, you get to put yourself in other ppl's shoes etc etc...you get what i mean.
i gotta admit, it made me more mature in different aspects.
but what i'm more thankful for is that just coincidentally, we're doing women in literature now, like we did back then in crescent.
i'm not exactly a hardcore feminist but i can never stand it when women are supposedly deemed as the 'weaker' sex.
in fact, im totally for equality and justice that every bit of inequality or injustice is enough to make me flare up. but thats beside the point.
i hate hate hate how women are confined to all these seriously stupid expectations. (religion aside. although i'm making myself seriously convinced that its for our own good.)

anw i kinda have my resolutions! like yeah, whats new right?
but i have some rly serious issues that i'm gonna handle and accomplish. so its not rly a resolution i guess. but wtv.

'resolutions':

1.) Hanisah'sOperationBeautiful
this is NOT like the original Operation Beautiful. this came out of a sudden sometime this week. cause i just realised how tired i am of being ugly. i dont consider myself someone with low self esteem but lately, i just feel super ugly from head to toe and i hate that feeling.
i shall cleanse myself on the inside too. be beautiful on the inside and outside (Y) not easy and a long way to go man hahah

2.) do NOT be judgemental and refrain from bitching at all. in any forms.
ok this is kinda like a joint resolution with G cause we realised that we're judgemental. :/
not allowed to call anyone weird. although OMG its the hardest thing to do. hahaha. weird has become an essential word in my dictionary.

3.) INVEST INVEST INVEST
as much as i can in whatever way possible. main priority goes to resolution no.1 and CASH. like, invest my money in stuff...although i've srsly no idea how to go about doing it yet.

things that i need/want to do by the end of the year:

1.) s3 07/08 class gathering! :D
omgggg yes! everyone's everywhere so its gonna be real hard to gather everyone. with the A's this yr, ppl in poly having diff schedules, overseas etc. but yeah man, gonna do it!

2.) day trip with Sayangs to Malaysia!
ok, this seems realistic provided that one of our parents follow (maybe raihan's or mine?) there's too much good and cheap food in malaysia man. shopping and movie marathon!

3.) get a violinnnnn yay :)
my mum has always supported the idea of us learning violin and this is (Y). ever since i've come to adore (adore, in a formal way. if there's such a thing) the vj dude who actually made me melt with his playing, i'm psyched to actually start learning how to play it!

4.) get myself in shape for dance classeS :P
this is kind of a follow up from resolution no1. i've shortlisted a number of classes which seem interesting.
1.) Jazz ballet/lyrical jazz/latin jazz


(how cute right!!)
2.) BODY MOVEMENT. this seems very interesting!


3.) hiphop grrl. HEHE.
4.) partner salsa/ladies salsa
5.).....POLE DANCING. HAHHAHAHA!



is that cool or what? and yes, contrary to popular belief, pole dancing is NOT a seductive dance. its so....beautiful!



haha. so yeah, time to lose weight and srsly gain an awesome and nice tummy (with abs) and build up on those leg muscles. YEAHH MAN.

Friday, December 18, 2009

the night's so quiet.
its time that i should be blogging again.

ohwell, idk where to start....maybe the week after guitar camp.
impromptu and last min things happened, which is good i say.
things planned way beforehand nvr seem to work for us anyway.
(woah it rhymes?)

that week, i rmb baking choc chip cookies with sis, which was just YUMMMM.
and, uh, on sun parents ditched us at jp AGAIN (i swear im hating that place.....more info on it later). appetite jacked like crazy, sick of jp food.
after which, we headed down to grandma's house for bday celebration. cake was absolutely YUMMM.
then, we went to malaysia at night and there was this whole traffic jam and all but we managed to catch new moon there. which was awesome and cheap. awesome as in, the whole experience, not the movie. there was no peak to it. no idea why my mum loved it so much. worse traffic jam otw back to SG and i was so bored i was reduced to sticking my head out of the car window and scrutinizing all the cars around us. retarded, i know. it was alr 1am, what do you expect 0.0

mon, after tuition, parents picked me up and we actually went out. like OUT shopping and all. at sim lim and vivo. OMG wth right. i was totally make-up-less. oh, dont get me wrong, just that i was having a horrible horrible breakout and my dressing was pure crap. i'm not vain, really. just that i dont feel that i look presentable, thats all.

went swimming with some of the girls on tues! ok actually with mus only LOL cause rohaida didnt swim and we only met raihan after that.
after which, we went to jp(agn, for the countless time.)
so, me&sis bought a box of chewy jnr to bring back home.
i freaking ate only ONE piece.
.
.
.
and thats how my horrible tummy ache happened. i can almost swear its the cheddar cheese topping! it tasted funny, not as per normal. this was when my 60 hour starvation started.

so, wed was pure torture. i was so convinced i was gonna die. woke up at 4 am with the worst ache ever. feels like im having contractions or smth. (haha, im just guessing). amidst all the pain, fell back asleep and woke up in the morn feeling a billion times worse. D: by noon, it was so bad i was pulling my hair and screaming/yelping/wtv you wanna call it (hahah, im making myself sound so deranged here.) but its true. the pain was so intense that i was so tired and fell asleep, only to be woken up countless times by the pain. went to the docs and oh boy, wasnt he useless! :/ the pain reduced by nighttime. which was when i got my fever :0 and it became worse over the night. so the next day, by afternoon, fever nearly gone. but. i had to suffer this thing called backaches. after curling up in a ball ever since i slept on tues night....
and appetite totally totally jacked for the next few days onwards! could barely eat anth for a while, i kinda had a phobia of food.
so its like, horror after horror after horror :0

dragged my ass to sch on fri just to get our lit book, omg. studied with raihan after that and i didnt have appetite for BK! like omg, i can nvr resist BK :0

i cant seem to rmb that weekend, so skippppp.

bloody wasted time going for guitar on tues. the worst, ever. luckily went out to study with raihan to make up for it.
and went bugis& haji lane with amira&raihan on wed!
feeling rather...cranky cause i was very very tired after tuition.
and, i didnt manage to get anything. urgh.
but my friends are so awesome, they lift my mood :D
so drained today, didnt follow them to bugis agn D:
and im srsly wondering why im so worn-out this week.
i'm nearly done with revision, quite a relief, and surprise.

ok, i guess i'd better be sleeping soon...i can foresee tmr being a tiring day D:
if there's even gonna be a tmr for me. hah, if you get what i mean. no, not in the dying or end-of-the-world aspect.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

as mentioned by G, guitar camp feels more like a chalet than a cca camp!
we alr started counting down to the end of the camp six hours after the start.
but its not so bad after all.
bonded well with the girls, changed perspective on certain issues.
learnt more kinds of card games than songs. LOL.
but alhamdulillah, the girls didnt mind me praying in the dorm and even accompanied me :D
overall, a nice experience, and i can genuinely say now with relief that i dont think most of the guitar ppl are 'weird' :D
with some real hardcore ones who never fail to lay their hands on the guitars at every spare time possible. ah, they're beautiful (both meanings) that way. LOL.

even after months, i can still listen to broken hearted girl over and over again and not get sick of it. not that i neccessarily have to be broken hearted, but yeah.
gotta be one of my favourite songs ever, i've never been addicted to a song for an ENTIRE year.

yest night, had a dreaming spree again.
dreamt four times, and you appeared in all four dreams.
must you haunt me even in my dreams?
i love you, you dont have to do this.

okay, so, unlike the many years before, this year's 'last day of school' had a different kick to it.
reached school at a record time of 9.15am. WHOOOOH! (<-not purposely okay! hah)
missed the whole of ms z's lit and i came to sch only for ms k's lit, which i feel is a bloody waste of time considering the fact that i could barely keep my eyes open for the second half of the 1h lecture. AND i totally forgot to submit my math assignment, which was one of the main reasons why i still bothered to drag myself to school. AND NOT ONLY THAT..........the sayangs did smth mean to me after sch D:

but i miss those going-to-town-after-school days ):
how nice life was back then.
no plans? okay, we'll go to town and see what we can do/spend on there.
potong pasir is nothing but an inaccessible, ulu corner in Singapore :/

i'm getting down to studying now, and its kinda hard, cause life's so distracting now. ):

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

2nd Annual Velocity Ice Skating Challenge '09.
28th-29th November 2009.
and im bloody gonna miss the whole of it, thanks to guitar camp :)
LIKE OMG WTH i almost wanted to cry D:
like, figure skating in singapore is not rly a big thing yknow, we dont have the luxury of having competitions/challenges/showcases/performances all year round. ): to me its equivalent to not being able to go for like........singfest or smth.
SIGHHHHHHH.

last sat was a good good time.
ATTEMPTED to go for the social networking thingy, but ahwell.
there was a major accident at the expressway, leaving us stuck for superrrrr long and by the time we reached bugis, it was alr an hour late.
so what else, we headed to bk for brunch :P
and bought purses and accessories after that.
OMG I WANNA DIE. i've been spending so much lately. (ESPECIALLY ever since after our shopping spree right after the promos)
like, when i went out with da galz on friday before cca, and i didnt even expect to spend on anth besides food, WHAT MORE A DRESS :0
and its precisely because things are getting cheaper and cheaper and my resources are expanding. SHEESH.
me and da galz are turning into serious shopaholics, ESP MUS. this.is.baddddd. D:

so anw! the pementasan was GOOOOD. very admirable work by the jnrs, honestly. glad that they uphold the standards which our snrs have built up :)

swensens with most of kelas k after thattttt! miss them, love them!

and did i tell you how much i hate going jp on weekends?
seriously sucks. infested with annoying people.
luckily all my jurong friends are lovable! ^^

finally, there's a conclusion that we come to:
people who confuse us with their behaviour, are actually confused themselves. :/

Thursday, November 19, 2009

i saw on fb, the fan grp of "Staying online until the person you like goes to sleep"
HAHAH who isnt guilty of that. (i can relate esp when during the whole AhLeong crushin thing. he doesnt sleep at all, i swear. i always gave up at two MAX. LOL.)
but then it got me thinking, cause from the comments on the page, the ppl stay up till 3/4/5/6 for their CRUSH. (ahem. skarang dah jadi sensitive word doh. lol. )
who in their right minds stay up so late, i mean, the ppl who they are crushin on.
SO, i got me thinking again, what if, both parties on both sides are doing the same thing?! ROFL.
like, the guy stays up late to wait for the girl to go offline, and the girl is doing the same thing too.
and both of them end up waiting for each other, both not knowing and unaware, thinking the other party is doing lots of things behind their desk.
ROFL ROFL HAHAHHA GOSH, I THINK THATS PRETTY HILARIOUS,
and rather logical too.
SO PEOPLE, START SLEEPING/GOING OFFLINE EARLY!
dont affect your beloved ones :)
HAHAHA. gosh, i know its a weird theory, but if its a fact, then.......its a fact.

hah. im blabbering. sheesh :/ pardon me, really.

i should sleep early too today! i promised G to try and not be angsty during guitar tmr :S
i cannot stand guitar, its so annoying. its not just the instructor, or the people, or the guitar-playing itself. but its every little thing combined together, that makes it so bad.
(although ironically, we attend almost every single session, purely out of not wanting to feel any sense of guilt and not wanting to miss out on anything=getting worse the next session.)
but i think joining guitar is such a disappointment for me. not that im saying we're bad, but i think the way things are in the ensemble, its not really my cup of tea. dance, choir, angklung, they've all been awesome (which was why i chose to quit interact and join guitar. WTF)
and during the previous guitar prac, OMGGGGG i never missed angklung so much.
loved the instructor, loved the friends, loved playing the instruments, loved the spirit of togetherness, loved the atmosphere, loved playing the angklung. total love, really.
but its okay i guess, at least im starting to learn to accept and love the people in guitar more :)

and quoted from my friend's friend on fb:
"ni lelaki new age, smue pemalu. if you live during the renaissance period you'll get men writing you love letters, brandishing swords for you and asking you to let go your long long hair so they can climb to your window"
HAHAH OMG HOW CUTE. and true.

this post is made up of totally, totally random stuff. HAH.

Labels: most random post ever

Monday, November 16, 2009

recap on the past 'exciting' week. haha.

G came to my house on thurs :D
to 'practice' guitar tgt. LOL. total failed attempt. we only did.....scales and half of a song.
and herianti and raihan came after that :D watched pochong 2, ate a lot and 'studied'. herianti got me playing flyflyII ):

had guitar prac on fri, oooooh very exciting eh? :S
i'm learning how to play my own songs faster than the rate in which we are learning our ensemble pieces. wth.

sat, we ATTEMPTED to come for the ymc sessions to help facilitate the jnrs.
macs for brunch = DOUBLEcheezeburger+MEDIUMfries = D:
waited for liy, and athirah's words were so true. by the time we left macs, it was nearly 3.30.
although the place was supposedly just across the road and the sessions start at 2. ROFL TTM.
so, we went into the place, excited and all..............only to realize that we got the wrong place -.-
cabbed down to plaza sing, thinking it was there.
i was the last one to alight the cab and before i got down, the uncle asked me:
"you all Indonesian? :)" HAHAHAHHAH. doesnt mean that we dont talk the minah way, we're not locals okay :S
but most amusing part of the day, has got to be liy walking all around plaza sing and far east with only one side of her sandals on. LOL. new fashion statement eh?
met amira after that :D

sun, raihan's family + my family went down to sign up for the tuition thingy.
OMG 400 for one month/eight hours, i almost wanted to cry! i can.........shop so much with that amt of money D:
but its okay! for our own good, useless c*** who only wants to give us consultation ONE week before our exams. WTF.
but benjamin (OUR TUTOR) is omfg hot ttm? ;)
he was from SAJC too and knows the 'notorious' ms k. hah!
shopped in town after that :0 like as though making my parents burn that 400 bucks just like that is not enough to make me feel guilty (IT DID. but shopping and tuition are two totally different issues)
at least my whole family spent, so that makes me feel less guilty.
mum made dad drove all the way to bugis just for chewy junior -.- her being addicted to it, is such an understatement.

today, we got our new lit books for ms k's lit class! im like super excited and jakun that i started reading straight away? hahaha
bugis for lunch, then haji lane.
according to raihan, "we're not weird enough" LOL